Jewish Memorial Traditions and Customs

The Ritual of K'riah (TEARING OF A RIBBON OR GARMENT)

Those closest to the deceased may perform this ritual.

Son, Daughter, Spouse, Sister, Brother,

Life Partner,

Mother, Father.

For a son or daughter of a deceased, the ribbon is worn on the left side of the clothing (as the left side is closer to the heart and the loss of a parent is considered to be the most profound loss).  For other relatives, the ribbon is worn on the right side.

Those who choose to perform K'riah gather privately just prior to the funeral service. While standing, they recite a prayer with the rabbi, who then makes a small cut in their ribbons (or garments).

Other people who were in a close relationship with the deceased may also choose to wear and cut the K’riah ribbon. These include gay/lesbian partners, in-laws, nieces and nephews, grandchildren and divorced spouses.

Shivah (Mourning period)

A period of mourning observed after the funeral or memorial service for a maximum of seven days, during which the mourners remain at home, refraining from work, social and leisure activities. The mourners are visited by family members and friends, who provide meals, comfort and companionship. Some synagogues provide religious services in the house of mourning.

RITUAL ITEMS PROVIDED BY THE CHAPEL

• Yarmulkes-in black

• Veils-in black

• K’riah ribbons

• Benches/boxes-for use during shivah

• Memorial candles-for use by the family during shivah

• Kaddish cards-for use by family and friends at the burial or memorial service. The Kaddish will be provided by the chapel in its original language and in transliteration.

PRIOR TO THE FUNERAL:

Chevra Kaddishah (Holy Society)

Group of trained people who prepare a body for burial; men prepare men's bodies, women prepare women's bodies.

Taharah (Purification)

Washing of a body before burial as a ritual act of purification.

Tachrichim (Shrouds)

Simple cotton or linen shrouds used by some Jews for burial.

Sh'mirah (Watching), Shomer (Guard)

The act of attending the body of a deceased from death until the funeral begins.

AT THE TIME OF THE FUNERAL:

Yarmulke (Skull cap)

Also called a kippah. This is a small cap worn as a sign of respect at a funeral or in a holy place.

Veil

A small lace head covering worn by some women as a sign of respect at a funeral or in a holy place.

K’riah (Tearing)

The tearing or cutting of a garment or small black ribbon as a sign of mourning (see "The Ritual of K’riah").

Kaddish (Prayer recited in memory of the deceased) "See below"

This prayer is recited at the time of burial, or in the case of a memorial service, in the chapel.

El Maley Rachamim (God Full of Compassion)

A passage asking for God's compassion and the peaceful rest of the deceased. At a chapel service, this is usually the last prayer recited by the rabbi, and is customarily recited while the congregation stands.

AFTER THE FUNERAL:

Shivah (Mourning period)

A period of mourning observed after the funeral or memorial service for a maximum of seven days, during which the mourners remain at home, refraining from work, social and leisure activities. The mourners are visited by family members and friends, who provide meals, comfort and companionship. Some synagogues provide religious services in the house of mourning.

Benches/Boxes

To symbolize that their spirits are low, many Jewish mourners choose to sit on low benches or boxes during shivah.

Memorial Candle

The candle is a reminder of the deceased as well as the presence of God. The memorial candle usually burns continuously for about seven days.

Monument (Stone)

A permanent marker indicating the location of a grave, usually at the head or foot of the grave. Some family plots are marked by a single stone with the name(s) of the family, while other graves are marked with individual names, including Hebrew names, dates of birth and death, familial relationships and sometimes a phrase of remembrance.

Unveiling

A ceremony in which the monument is displayed publicly for the first time. Many Jews assume the unveiling should be on the first anniversary of death, but it may actually take place any time after shivah. In the New York area, most families choose to hold unveilings during May, June, September and October, when the good weather makes it easier to get to the cemetery.

Click the folowing  links for Prayer Kaddish and for Jewish holidays.